Happiness is the Foundation

It has occured to me over time that unlike what was modeled for me, happiness is a choice. This subject was actually brought up by Karen Rohlf recently. She talked about how she used to see her horsemanship this way: Dressage as the most basic component, the foundation of everything she did with her horses, with happiness being the ultimate goal. Now she has flipped that over, with happiness as her foundation and Dressage the ultimate goal.

Isn't it fascinating that different people from different backgrounds can come to the same conclusion. It became obvious to me years ago. It was what Parelli refers to as a BFO, a "Blinding Flash of the Obvious". I used to think that excellence in dentistry was my foundation at work, with everyone being happy as the ultimate result.

It did not take long to find out that patients really did not care about the excellence of my dentistry until they knew I was having a good day. Patients made me realize through their questions of me that they were more interested in how I was feeling that day than how good a dentist I was.

I also realized that my office team felt better when I was happy. The atmosphere of the office gradually changed: more relaxed, more productive and relationships became the centerpiece of the practice.

I now think, even without knowing it at the time, that this is what attracted me to Parelli Natural Horsemanship. It's central premise is that everything humans do with horses stems from the relationship we have with them; that horses go farther from heart and desire than coercion and intimidation.

These thoughts passed through my head as I was feeding cookies to Bingo, Maverick and Walker in the turnout yesterday. They literally swarmed me, just the three of them. None of the other horses in the turnout paid me the least attention. I don't have a relationship with them, but I do have a relationship with BMW.

So the foundation is the desire to be happy and have a relationship. Everything good we accomplish is derived from that desire and effort to be happy.

The cookies help solidify my relationship with my horses. But the relationship has to be there before the cookies really mean something. Nothing feels better than to know that they WANT to spend time with me; that they nicker at my approach; that I ask them through the gate and they come without a rope or a halter; that I get up on the mounting block and from 50 feet away, my horses come on over to start our riding play session. They come with me because they choose.

There is just no better feeling than knowing that they choose to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with them. They are not the source of my happiness, but they do help restore me, and  they make it easier for me to be happy.