I really wish I had understood sooner that it is far more important to invest my concerns, my energy, my focus and my emotions towards the people in my life rather than the things in my life. I don’t believe in fate, but I do think that life can draw you to the people you need or the people who need you.
I heard somewhere that there is no special talent to being impervious. It’s pretty easy to build a wall around yourself, protecting yourself from the pain that can come with relationships with others. Real strength comes when you put yourself out there for others, extend yourself, take the chance to care about and be cared for by others.
I think my relationship with my husband, Randy, my son, Ben, and yes, my horse Walker have all slowly, incrementally drawn me out from behind my walls. They have brought me to a place where I feel much more comfortable extending myself to those around me, knowing that those relationships could bring me pain, but also joy I would not know in any other way.
And it is in my nature to be very intensely emotional, which can be a bit overwhelming for the people around me, even when those emotions are positive ones, like my fierce loyalty to the people I love and care about. Although I am still working at it, I really have made large strides in dialing back the intensity I bring to the table.
When I was younger, I just thought everyone had to feel as intensely as I do about, well, everything! It came as a great surprise to me to find out very few people feel very passionately about anything or anyone. I now have found ways to display an emotion, like loyalty, with an energy that does not drive people away. I think I am succeeding most of the time in managing my energy in a way other people can handle.
Ben and Walker have been some of my best teachers in intensity moderation. To Ben, the force of my emotions was too much pressure, like a storm about to blow from which he would hide. To Walker it felt predatory, as though I might be a mountain lion about to strike. Whenever things aren’t working out between us, I have to remind myself that it’s probably me, not them, that needs to change approach; my intense nature can often be my biggest challenge in making our relationships work.
I heard somewhere that there is no special talent to being impervious. It’s pretty easy to build a wall around yourself, protecting yourself from the pain that can come with relationships with others. Real strength comes when you put yourself out there for others, extend yourself, take the chance to care about and be cared for by others.
I think my relationship with my husband, Randy, my son, Ben, and yes, my horse Walker have all slowly, incrementally drawn me out from behind my walls. They have brought me to a place where I feel much more comfortable extending myself to those around me, knowing that those relationships could bring me pain, but also joy I would not know in any other way.
And it is in my nature to be very intensely emotional, which can be a bit overwhelming for the people around me, even when those emotions are positive ones, like my fierce loyalty to the people I love and care about. Although I am still working at it, I really have made large strides in dialing back the intensity I bring to the table.
When I was younger, I just thought everyone had to feel as intensely as I do about, well, everything! It came as a great surprise to me to find out very few people feel very passionately about anything or anyone. I now have found ways to display an emotion, like loyalty, with an energy that does not drive people away. I think I am succeeding most of the time in managing my energy in a way other people can handle.
Ben and Walker have been some of my best teachers in intensity moderation. To Ben, the force of my emotions was too much pressure, like a storm about to blow from which he would hide. To Walker it felt predatory, as though I might be a mountain lion about to strike. Whenever things aren’t working out between us, I have to remind myself that it’s probably me, not them, that needs to change approach; my intense nature can often be my biggest challenge in making our relationships work.
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